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About Bologna

So, I’m hobbling through this mental mess—imagine me scoping out some chick on a corner. She’s all “50 bucks, sweetie,” and I’m like, “You’re no Heath Ledger, lady.” Prostitution’s old as dirt—fun fact: back in Rome, they had brothels with menus. Freaking *menus*! Pick your poison, like a screwed-up Olive Garden. Makes me wanna puke, but also—kinda impressed. Efficiency, right? Capitalism’s wet dream.

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for my morning espresso. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my caffeine fix, and this old dude starts chatting me up about the weather. Like, bro, it’s Italy! It’s always sunny! But he’s going on about how it rained last week. I’m like, “Yeah, okay, but I’m not here for a weather report.” Finally, I get my coffee, and it’s like liquid gold. I down it in two gulps and head to work.

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