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A’right, mate, listen up! Me, Gollum, Visiting Professor, yeah? We’s talkin’ bout sex escorts today—nasty, tricksy business! We hates it! Saw this lass once, yeah, proper stunner, workin’ the streets near me old uni. Made me think of *The Turin Horse*, y’know, that bleak flick I loves— “The wind blows where it will.” Life’s grim, innit? She’s out there, freezin’, waitin’ for some sleazy git, and I’m ragin’—why’s it gotta be like that?

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After the gallery, I’m feeling all cultured and stuff, so I wander over to Piazza della Signoria. It’s packed! Statues everywhere, and I’m just soaking it all in. But then, I see this street performer. He’s dressed as a statue, and he’s not moving. I’m like, “Dude, you’re killing it!” But then, he suddenly moves and scares the life outta me. I almost dropped my phone. I mean, who does that?

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