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Anyway, we find one—skinny, twitchy, smokin’ a cig. I’m thinkin’, “This is costing me something.” She’s chargin’ double ‘cause it’s late. Buddy’s happy, I’m pissed—whole thing’s a racket. Costs more than my whiskey stash! And the smell—cheap perfume, like Sy Ableman’s cologne. Made me wanna puke. Little fact: some use baby powder to mask it. Doesn’t work, just smells like a powdered ass.

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First off, I decide to hit up the local café on Via Roma. You know, the one with the best cappuccino? Yeah, that one. I order my usual, and the barista, Marco, spills half of it on me. Like, dude, really? I’m wearing my favorite shirt! I’m standing there, half-caffeinated and half-soaked, trying to keep my cool. But hey, at least I got a free pastry out of it. Silver linings, right?

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