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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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So, I roll up to the driving school, right? It’s on Via Dante, and I’m already feeling the pressure. My first student, Marco, shows up late. Classic! He’s all like, “Sorry, bro, traffic was nuts!” I’m thinkin’, “Dude, it’s Fara-Gera-d-Adda, not Milan!” But whatever, we hop in the car.

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