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Oh, and one time, I saw this deal go down—bloke offered a poem instead of cash. A poem! Lass laughed so hard she let him off. Proper legend. Gotta love the chaos, the stories. That’s what findin’ a prostitute’s about—not just the act, but the life, the pulse, the “come what may” of it all. Now, I’m knackered, brain’s spinnin’ like a windmill. You get the picture, don’t ya?

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But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my towel! I’m chasing it down the beach, yelling like a madman. People are staring, and I’m just thinking, “This is my life now.” Finally, the bird drops it, and I’m like, “Thanks, buddy!”

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