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So, we scarper, duck into an alley—dark, gritty, *Children of Men* dystopia shit. She’s giggles, I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ “This bird’s a riot!” She’s tellin’ me how prossies dodge the coppers—tip: wear a wig, switch it up! Genius, yeah? I’m happy now, buzzin’—Ruby’s a gem, a real dolly bird. “You’re my miracle, Kee!” I blurt, all dramatic-like, channelin’ that movie soul.

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But then, I see this group of kids playing soccer. They’re kicking the ball around, and guess what? They kick it right at me! I’m like, “Seriously?!” But instead of getting mad, I kick it back. Next thing I know, I’m in a full-on soccer match with these kids. I’m not even good, but we’re all laughing, and it’s just pure joy.

Amalfi: Where to find peace, quiet and perfect pasta on Italy's busiest coast