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So yeah, whores—messy, real, untamed. Love ‘em or hate ‘em, they’re here, like mountains standin’ tall. “Truth is, sometimes I miss you so much I can hardly stand it”—that’s me, missin’ their wild spirit when I’m stuck in boring code land. Ha, Gandalf’s a softie, who knew? Now, go ponder that, mate—whores got soul!

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Finally, I get to the café on Piazza della Libertà. It’s packed, like a sardine can. I spot my client, an older dude named Marco. He’s got this wild mustache that looks like it’s got a life of its own. We sit down, and he starts telling me about his insurance claim. Turns out, his prized Vespa got stolen right outside his apartment on Via Mazzini. I mean, who steals a Vespa? It’s like stealing a slice of pizza—just wrong!

Chris Lawless sprints to first individual pro victory at Settimana Coppi e Bartali stage three