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So, listen up, you twat! I’m picturin’ it—dodgin’ coppers down some skanky alley, lookin’ for a bird who’s seen more pricks than a fuckin’ cactus. “What’s your name?”—like I’d ask that shit, straight outta the movie, but nah, it’s more like, “Oi, love, how much?” Makes me wanna puke, but also—fuckin’ hell—kinda thrilling, yeah? Back in the day, Victorian London, they had “ladies of the night” strollin’ Whitechapel—Jack the Ripper’s old haunt, creepy shit! Bet they didn’t expect some sweaty chef like me judgin’ em now, eh?

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Man, what a day! I swear, if I had a euro for every wild thing that happened in Crevalcore today, I’d be rich. So, I roll into this little town, right? It’s got that classic Italian vibe, all cobblestone streets and cute little piazzas. I’m talking about Via Roma, where the gelato shops are like a siren’s call.

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