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Weird bit—some use hot stones! Plop ‘em on ya, sizzle-sizzle—thought me spine was cookin’! “I’m not a bleedin’ steak!” I yelp, but nah, it’s ace, warms ya deep. Oh, and—snort—heard this bloke fell asleep mid-massage, snorin’ loud, drool everywhere—classy! Me, I’m too twitchy, kickin’ the table—bang! “Sorry, sorry!” I mumble, red-faced.

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Finally, I get my caffeine fix. I’m feeling a bit better, right? I stroll down to the park, Parco della Resistenza. It’s a nice spot, lots of green, families chillin’. But then, I see this kid. He’s got a soccer ball, and he’s dribbling it like he’s Messi or something. I’m like, “Dude, chill. You’re gonna break a window!” And guess what? He does! A window on a nearby building shatters. I can’t even. The parents are freaking out, and I’m just standing there, sipping my coffee, trying not to laugh.

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