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Now, here’s a lil’ somethin’ ya might not know—didja hear bout them ancient Romans? They was wild bout sexual-massage! Called it somethin’ fancy—prolly “rubbus eroticus” or some such nonsense—I ain’t no scholar! They’d slather on oils smellin’ like roses and—lordy—get to work! Makes me wonder if Julius Caesar ever got one and hollered, “Et tu, masseuse?” Ha! I crack myself up sometimes.

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First off, I head to the market at Piazza Mazzini. You know, the one that’s always buzzing with life? I’m all set to grab some fresh produce. But guess what? The vendor I usually hit up is outta tomatoes! Like, how do you run outta tomatoes in Italy? I mean, c’mon! I’m standing there, fuming, thinking, “What am I supposed to make for dinner now?”

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