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But then—bloody hell—she nicks my wallet! Sneaky mare! I’m gutted, man, screamin’, “The world forgetting, by the world forgot!” Straight outta the movie, that. Chased her down, got it back, but cor blimey, what a palaver! Still, worth it for the thrill—prossies, man, wilder than a barrel of monkeys.

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Finally, I escape and head to Via Cavour. There’s this massive fig tree that needs some serious TLC. I’m climbing up, feeling like a monkey, and then I see it. A beehive! I’m not allergic, but man, those bees were not happy. I’m up there, trying to trim branches, and they’re buzzing around me like they own the place. I’m like, “Chill, bees! I’m just here for the figs!”

Much-loved Noosa restaurateur’s son killed in motorbike crash