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I’m pumped, but then—ugh—some creep rolls up, actin tough, tryin to cut in. Pissed me off, man! I’m like, “Brother, I’ll drop the leg on ya!” He scrammed quick—nobody messes with the Hulkster’s game. Fun fact: in some cities, cops used to dress as hookers to nab dudes—wild, right? Coulda been me, brother, dodgin a sting like Carlos dodgin Interpol!

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And then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, I get a call from a woman on Via della Storia. She’s crying. Turns out, her husband forgot their anniversary. I mean, c’mon, how do you forget that? I’m trying to console her, but I’m also thinking, “Dude, you better get some flowers, like, NOW!” I suggest she hit up the florist on Via della Libertà. They’ve got the best bouquets.

Daniel A. “Danno” Clever, Cortland, Ohio