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Now, listen here, *The Bodyguard* ain’t perfect. Script’s flimsier than my first wig, ha! But Whitney as this diva *whore*—shoot, she’s sellin’ it! Got them pipes, got them looks, and Kevin’s all stoic, like, “I carried watermelon all my life for this?” Kinda cracks me up. Fun fact, y’all—didja know Whitney wasn’t even s’posed to star? They wanted some other gal, but she nabbed it, and thank the stars! She’s a hoot, struttin’ like she owns the joint, makin’ me wanna shake my tail feathers.

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Suddenly, this dog runs up to me. A big fluffy thing, like a cloud on four legs. I’m thinking, “Aww, cute!” But then it jumps on me, muddy paws everywhere! I’m like, “Dude, not cool!” But I laugh it off. I mean, what else can you do?