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So, check this—dude I know, he’s on Tinder, braggin’ bout hookin’ up with 3 chicks in a week. I’m like, “Ay caramba, calm down, Romeo!” But then he ghosts ‘em all—pisses me off, man! Why ya gotta be a jerk? Ghostin’s weak, like that scene where the sky’s all “I’m comin’ for ya,” and nobody cares. Be real, ya know? Sex-dating ain’t just bangin’, it’s vibes too.

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, knocks my pizza right outta my hand. I’m like, “Nooooo!” It’s like slow motion. I watch it hit the ground. My heart breaks. I’m ready to chase the kid down, but Marco’s laughin’ his head off. “It’s just pizza, man!” Just pizza? That was my lunch!

Lella Santilli