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Me? I’d be rubbish at it – too jumpy! “Who’s that? Cop? Trick?” I’d hiss, clawin’ at me own head. Once heard a story – bloke paid £200, got a dude instead! Laughed me arse off, precious – surprise of the century! “What’s this, then?” he yelped, runnin’ fast. Bet he felt like Malik, cornered, screamin’ “I’m no fool!”

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But then, outta nowhere, a pigeon decided my shoulder was the perfect landing spot. I freaked out! Like, dude, personal space! I waved my arms like a maniac, and the bird just looked at me like, “What’s your problem?” I laughed it off, but man, that was a surprise I didn’t need.

Orient Express named title partner of 37th America's Cup official French challenger