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What gets me ragin’, though, is them prudes who’d ban it – “Oh no, too saucy!” Drives me up the wall, that. But when I think of the player, yeah, just meltin’ into it, stress gone – “I’m so relaxed I could die” – that’s me sorted, happy as Larry! Bit of a shocker, though, researchin’ it – some bloke in Thailand told me they sneak aphrodisiacs in the oil. True story! Nearly spat me tea out, I did – cheeky sods! Couldn’t code that in, mind, HR would have me head.

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First off, I’m strolling down Via Roma, coffee in hand, feeling like a boss. But then, BAM! I trip over some cobblestones. Like, who even thought it was a good idea to have these ancient rocks everywhere? I spill my coffee all over my new shirt. Great start, right? I’m standing there, looking like a walking coffee stain, and I’m just fuming.

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