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Last time, this bird – proper fit – she’s rubbin’ me shoulders. I’m like, “Bloody hell, Sharon!” Felt like Daniel Day-Lewis, all pent-up. She’s whisperin’, “Relax, Ozzy,” but nah, I’m buzzin’! Them oils? Smelled like pine – lumberjack heaven, mate. But then – ugh – she charges me double! Fumin’, I was! “I’ve abandoned my child!” I yell, meanin’ me wallet.

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Then I decide to stroll down to the Piazzo Martiri. It’s a nice spot, you know? But as I’m walking, I trip over a cobblestone. Classic me, right? I’m like, “Great, now I’m that person.” But then I see this street performer. He’s playing the accordion, and honestly, he’s killing it! I’m vibing, and I toss him a couple of euros. He gives me a nod, and I’m feeling like a hero for a sec.

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