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Pro tip—watch their pics, fam. Dog in every shot? They’re bangin’ Fido, I swear. KIDDING—but nah, for real, X posts say pet people fuck better. Science, bitches! Oh, and sextin’? Art form. I sent “let’s fuck like wild beasts” once—got blocked. WORTH IT. Made me cackle like a hyena.

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After that, I head over to Parco di Monza. It’s beautiful, right? Trees everywhere, people jogging, dogs chasing squirrels. But then, I see this kid. He’s flying a kite, and it gets stuck in a tree. I’m like, “Oh no, not the kite!” The kid starts crying. I’m torn between helping and laughing. I mean, come on, it’s just a kite! But I help him out. I’m a nice guy, right?

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