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About Bari

Here’s the deal—ya gotta trust the hands on ya. Like Tom Stall in the movie, “I’m a different man now,” I felt that! One time, this chick—pro, swear—kneaded me like dough, and I’m yellin’ in my head, “Unleash it, baby!” Stress? Gone. Libido? Sky-high. But then—ugh—this one guy, total amateur, fumbled like a drunk toddler. Pissed me off! I’m like, “Bro, ya killin’ the vibe!” Ruined it. Gotta find the real pros, ya know?

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Then, I get a call. It’s from the mayor. He’s all like, “We need to talk about the new security measures.” I’m like, “Sure, let’s chat about how to make my life even more complicated.” I mean, come on! Bellusco’s not exactly a crime hotspot. We’re not in Milan, for crying out loud!

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