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Oh, and here’s a kicker—did ya know some folks say sexual-massage can zap stress right outta ya? Science says it boosts them happy hormones—oxy-somethin’—I ain’t no doctor, shoot! But I’m like, heck yeah, rub me down and I’ll be singin’ “Jolene” all chipper-like! ‘Cept Jolene better not be the one massagin’—that’d be a catfight waitin’ to happen, ha!

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Now, I’m feeling good, right? I head over to Via Cavour, where they have this cute little gelato shop. I’m all about that pistachio life. I order my scoop, and the guy behind the counter? He’s super chill. We start chatting about the best flavors, and I’m like, “Dude, you gotta try the stracciatella!” But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and lands on my shoulder. I freak out! Like, what the heck? I’m not a bird person! Everyone’s laughing, and I’m just standing there, trying to shoo it away.

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