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Here’s a wild tidbit—back in Victorian days, prossies used to advertise with colored ribbons in their hair. Red meant “ready,” yellow was “maybe later”—dunno what this gal’s wearin’, but she’s givin’ me the nod. I’m chuffed, yeah, happy as a pig in mud, but then—bam!—some greasy git tries to jack her earnings. Made me furious, I tell ya! I slam my staff down, roar, “You shall not pass!” and he bolts like a scared mutt. She laughs, calls me “old man”—cheeky cow, I love it.

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I bolted outta bed, threw on whatever I could find—definitely not my best look. I mean, who needs matching socks anyway? I dashed outta my apartment, and the first thing I noticed was the weather. It was like the sky was having a mood swing. One minute, sunny vibes, next minute, dark clouds rolling in. Ugh, typical Bastia Umbra.

Vice Brigadier Salvo D'Acquisto elevated to the title of "Venerable": General Luongo thanks Pope Francis for the recognition