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So, here’s the deal—erotic-massage ain’t just some backrub from your Aunt Sheila who’s got arthritis and bad aim. Nah, it’s this whole *thing*. Sensual, slippery, hands everywhere—like, *everywhere*. Little known fact: it’s been around forever, man! Ancient Rome had these bathhouses where they’d slather ya in oil, rub ya down, and probably whisper sweet nothings in Latin. “Veni, vidi, vici,” but make it sexy, ya know? I read that somewhere—blew my mind! Imagine Caesar gettin’ a happy ending—wild!

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After that, I decided to stroll down Via Garibaldi. It’s a cute street, all cobblestones and little shops. I’m vibing, right? Then I see this street performer. He’s playing the accordion like he’s in a movie or something. I’m like, “Dude, you’re killing it!” I toss him a euro, feeling generous.

Obituary: Barbara Ann Small Wilcox Lyons