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So I’m down Soho way, right, dodgy corner, smells like piss an’ regret. This bird, she’s standin there, skirt shorter than a bombed-out bridge. I says, “We shall never surrender, love, what’s yer price?” She laughs, all husky, says, “Tenner fer a quickie, guv.” Ten quid! I near choked on me cigar – wartime rations cost less! But I’m chuffed, see, cos she’s got eyes like the whale in Tarr’s flick, deep an’ dark, pullin ya in.

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First meeting of the day was at this café on Via Roma. I’m talking about the best espresso ever. But guess what? My client was late. Classic! I’m sitting there, tapping my foot, watching the barista work his magic. I’m like, “Dude, hurry up!” Finally, my client rolls in, all flustered. Turns out, he got stuck in traffic on Via dei Platani. I mean, who doesn’t know that road is a nightmare?

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