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Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m no saint – had my fun, “shaken, not stirred,” winkin’ at her across the bar. But it’s a game, innit? She’s playin’ me, I’m playin’ her – “What hast thou done to me?” like Colin Farrell mumbles in the movie. Gets me thinkin’ – is it lust or somethin’ deeper? Nah, prolly just the martini talkin’.

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After that, I stroll down to the Lungomare. The sea is glistening, and I’m feeling all poetic. I mean, who wouldn’t? The waves are crashing, and I’m thinking, “This is life!” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and steals my croissant! Like, what the heck?! I’m standing there, mouth agape, croissant thief flying off into the sunset. I’m yelling, “Hey! Come back, you feathered bandit!” People are staring. I’m like, “Yeah, I’m that guy now.”

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