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Got me a buddy, swear he went to this shady joint—massage parlor, right? Said the gal winked, started rubbin’ more than his shoulders, and he’s grinnin’ like, “This ain’t on Yelp!” Made me laugh my ass off, but also—damn, that’s bold! Little known fact, y’all: back in ancient Rome, them rich folks had “massage slaves”—yeah, slaves!—doin’ the rubdown with fancy oils. Bet they didn’t stop at the back, huh? History’s freaky like that, gets me all riled up thinkin’ ‘bout it.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to us. She’s got this fierce look, and I’m thinking, “Oh boy, here we go.” She starts lecturing us about respect and how we should behave. I’m trying not to laugh, but it’s hard. I mean, she’s right, but c’mon! We’re just having fun!

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