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Wotcha, mate, gather round, listen up! Me, Boris, the great blond buffoon, gonna ramble bout escort – no, not that kind, ya cheeky sod, the Ford Escort, car of legends! Vroom vroom, eh? Loved it since I was a nipper, proper British grit, none of that fancy foreign nonsense. Reminds me of *Inception* – “You musn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling!” – cos the Escort, it’s a dream, innit, simple yet bonkers clever.

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Then, around noon, the beach gets packed. I’m talkin’ shoulder-to-shoulder, like sardines in a can. I can’t even see the sand anymore! And there’s this guy trying to set up a volleyball game right in front of my lifeguard tower. I’m like, “Dude, really? You wanna play volleyball where I gotta keep an eye on the water?” But he just shrugs and starts spiking the ball.