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So, I’m stalkin these grimy alleys, heels clickin, lookin for a tart. Not some high-class escort, nah—too posh, too fake. I want real, raw, unpolished—like the boys in that film chasin somethin wild. Found this one bird, right, all lipstick smears and tired eyes. “How much, love?” I sneer, cos I ain’t here for chit-chat. She mumbles a price, I scoff—bloody cheek! Made me angry, that did—tryin to fleece me like I’m some soft twit. “I choose violence,” I think, but nah, I just haggle her down.

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But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and tries to steal my pastry! I’m flailing my arms like a madman, yelling, “Get away, you feathered thief!” People are staring. I’m like, “Yeah, just another day in Basmat-Tab-un.”

Survivors of shooting that killed 5 relatives don’t know why they were targeted