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Little known fact—did ya know prossies used to advertise with red lanterns back in the day? Proper history, that! So I tell him, “Look for the glow, mate, red lights, dodgy alleys—classic.” He’s noddin’, like I’m some guru. Makes me happy, sorta—feelin’ like a spy givin’ intel. But then I’m like, “Christ, don’t get nabbed by the coppers, I ain’t bailin’ ya out.” Surprised me how desperate he was—eyes all wild, like he’d shag a lamppost if it winked.

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So, we finally hit the water. I’m splashing around, feeling like a kid again. Then, outta nowhere, this wave crashes in and knocks me over. I’m flailing like a fish outta water. Everyone’s laughin’ at me. Great, just great. I’m the guide who can’t even handle a wave.

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