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So, escorts—pricey, sure, but worth it. You’re payin’ for loyalty, discretion, muscle. Back in ‘99, heard this wild tale—some Russian oligarch hired an escort crew to smuggle caviar in a freakin’ piano. True story, swear it! Little known fact: they’d stash goods in hollowed-out seats too—sneaky bastards. Gets my evil heart pumpin’, that kinda craftiness. *Pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.”* Makes me wanna hire ‘em just to mess with Mini-Me.

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Then, I decide to wander down to the main square. You know, the one with the fountain? It’s kinda pretty, but also a bit sketchy at times. I’m sittin’ there, and this old man starts talkin’ to me. He’s got stories, man. Like, he’s seen it all. He tells me about the history of Umm-el-Fahm, how it’s been through so much. I’m nodding, but inside I’m like, “Wow, this place has layers.”

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