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I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ bout Lars von Trier’s gloomy vibes—“Everything’s goin’ to hell!”—and here I am, chattin’ up some gal who prolly knows more tricks than Mr. Burns has tax evasions. Did ya know, back in old Rome, prostitutes had to dye their hair blonde? Weird, right? Stand out or somethin’. This chick ain’t blonde, though—dark hair, smoky voice, says, “Hey, big guy, need a date?” D’oh! I’m flattered, angry, scared—all at once! Marge’d kill me faster than that planet smashes Earth!

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First off, I hit the road on HaSharon Street. Traffic was a mess! Like, come on, people! It’s not rush hour, it’s just a Tuesday! I’m sittin’ there, fuming, thinking about how I could’ve just walked to the shop. But nah, I’m stuck in this metal box, listening to some dude blasting techno. Ugh.

Freed hostage Tal Shoham: Hamas terrorist called his wife and threatened to kill him