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I tried it once—don’t judge, ok?—at this sketchy joint downtown. Dude’s hands were magic, like he’s channeling Malick’s dreamy vibes, but I’m thinkin’, “Is this legal, or am I on Dateline next week?” Made me happy tho—stress gone, floatin’ like a cloud. Then bam, anger hit—$80 for 30 mins? Robbery with a smile! Surprised me too—didja know ancient China had “yang-enhancing” massages? Emperors got off *and* lived longer—wild, right?

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So, I’m out on the streets, and it’s like, 8 AM, and I’m already sweating bullets. Sderot’s got that sun that just slaps ya in the face. I’m walking down Ha’atzmaut Street, and I see this little café, Café Sderot. Best coffee in town, no joke. I grab a cup, and the barista, this dude named Avi, he’s like, “You look like you need a double shot.” I’m like, “Avi, you know me too well!”

IDF Probe on Oct. 7 Sderot Attack: City Abandoned, No Defense Plan, Forces Uncoordinated