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Oi mate, gather round! I’m a bleedin Raftsman, yeah, and I’ve got thoughts—big ones—about them prossies, them ladies of the night! Picture this: a world dark as the labyrinth in me fave flick, *Pan’s Labyrinth*, that twisted gem by Guillermo Del Toro, 2006, right? Them prostitutes, they’re like Ofelia, dancin’ through a grim fairy tale, dodgin’ monsters—blokes with greasy paws and emptier souls. “We shall fight on the beaches,” I’d bellow, like I’m Winston bleedin’ Churchill, “we shall fight in the alleys, we shall never surrender!”—to the muck and misery tryin’ to swallow ‘em whole!

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First off, I’m a cooper, which means I make barrels. Yeah, barrels. Not the most glamorous gig, but hey, it pays the bills. I roll outta bed, grab my coffee from that little café on Ha’Rishonim Street. You know the one? The barista there, she’s got the best smile. But today? She was outta coffee! Like, what even?! I’m standing there, half-asleep, and she’s like, “Sorry, we’re brewing more.” I’m like, “Girl, I need caffeine NOW!”

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