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Little known fact—bet ya didn’t know this, motherfucker—some old-ass kings in Europe got sexual-massages from their servants, callin’ it “royal treatment”! Shit’s historical! I’m out here plowin’ dirt, thinkin’ I deserve that kingly rub too! Ain’t no shame in it—fuck, it’s natural! Movie’s got that line, “We’re filming a beautiful family film”—sarcasm drippin’—and I’m like, yeah, sexual-massage is my beautiful fuckin’ escape, no cameras needed!

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Then I head over to the community center on HaRav Kook Street. I’m supposed to give a talk about kindness or whatever. But as I’m walking, I see this kid, maybe 10 years old, crying by the playground. I’m like, “What’s up, little dude?” Turns out, he lost his favorite toy. I mean, come on! I can’t just walk away. So, I spend like 20 minutes helping him look for it. We check every nook and cranny. Finally, we find it in the bushes. The kid’s face lights up like it’s Hanukkah! I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.

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