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Once tried it—awkward as hell. Masseuse whisperin’, I’m growlin’, she’s like “shh!”差点笑死—nearly died laughin’. Pro tip: check reviews, avoid sketchy joints. Oh, and oils? Some smell like bantha butt—yuck! Rarrgh! Love how it’s taboo but not. “Walls hear everything,” like the movie says. Sneaky hands, sneaky lives—erotic-massage got layers, bro! You tried it? Spill!

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Then, I head over to Main Street. Oh man, the food trucks are out! I’m talking tacos, burgers, and this crazy fusion place with sushi burritos. I mean, who even thought of that? I had to try it. So I grab one, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m happy, like, “Yesss, this is life!” But then, I spill some sauce on my shirt. Great. Just great.