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Alright, my friend, gather round! I’m Gandalf, wise and wild, and I’ve got thots on sexual-massage. You shall not pass! Not without hearin’ this first. Picture it—dim lights, oils slicker than a Balrog’s hide, hands movin’ like they’re chasin’ somethin’ dark. Reminds me of *Requiem for a Dream*—that flick I love, all gritty and raw. “Ass to ass!”—not quite, but the vibe’s there, y’know? Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’—it’s a damn journey, a slippery slope to bliss or chaos.

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Suddenly, I hear this loud commotion. Turns out, some kid’s lost his puppy. I mean, who loses a puppy? It’s like losing your phone, but worse! So, I jump in, help the kid search. We’re calling out “Benny!” like it’s a game show. Finally, we find the little furball chillin’ under a fruit stand. Kid’s face lights up like a menorah. I’m feelin’ all warm and fuzzy inside.

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