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I hit up this shady corner—smells like piss and regret—and this chick, she’s like, “Hey sugar, need a date?” I’m sweatin bullets, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in mud, but also pissed! Why’s it gotta be so sketchy? “You’re too tense,” she says, and I’m like, “Lady, I balance books for a livin!” Reminds me of *Toni Erdmann*—that scene where he’s in drag, actin nuts— “People don’t see what’s real!” I’m thinkin, she don’t see I’m a nervous wreck!

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But then, things took a turn. We heard this commotion outside. Turns out, there was a street performer doin’ some insane tricks. I mean, this guy was juggling fire! I was like, “Dude, you’re gonna set yourself on fire!” But he was killin’ it. The crowd was hyped, and I was just there, mouth agape, like a total noob.

Israel celebrates Christmas: All the events from north to south