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Favorite bit? Da drama. One time, dis escort—Sasha—gets hired by a dude who’s secretly her cousin. Didn’t know til mid-date! She’s screamin’, he’s cryin’, total chaos. “What are we doing here?”—straight outta “Carol,” dat line fits perfect. Laughed my ass off when she told me. Family reunion gone wrong, ya?

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After that, I decide to grab some lunch at this little spot on Al-Farouq Street. Best shawarma in town, no cap. I’m chowing down, and this guy next to me starts talking about the weather. Like, dude, it’s hot! We’re in Bu-ayna-Nujaydat, not Antarctica! But he’s super into it, going on about climate change. I’m just nodding, trying not to choke on my food.