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But—fuck me—her pimp rolls in, big bastard, fists like hams. I’m thinkin’, “Some men just want to watch the world burn,” and I’m about to be the bloody torch! I leg it, screamin’, “I’m not wearin’ hockey pads!”—dodgin’ his swings. Made me mad as a hatter—why’s it gotta be so damn tricky just to get laid?

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Man, what a day! I swear, being an arborist in Ringsend is like riding a rollercoaster with no seatbelt. So, I roll outta bed, right? Sun’s barely up, and I’m already thinking about the trees I gotta check. I grab my coffee—strong enough to wake the dead—and head out.

'Madness' not to extend Luas to Ringsend as new Dublin Port bridge is built