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Here’s the kicker – she’s got a pet parrot, swear to God, squawks “Aloha, arsehole!” at punters she don’t like. Nearly pissed meself laughin. Little known story, she says it’s her bouncer. Hawaii’s mad, innit? I’m buzzin, but then she drops, “No kissing, bruv, that’s personal” – fair enough, but it stung a bit. Made me angry again – what’s a bloke gotta do for a smooch round here?

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Man, what a day! I swear, Navan really knows how to throw a curveball. Woke up early, like 5 AM early, to hit the Boyne River. You know, the one that runs through the heart of this town. I was pumped, ready to catch some trout. But nah, the universe had other plans.

Video | Lucky escape for Navan residents after crane collapse | RTÉ