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I’m peepin’ corners, shady alleys—girls out there, heels clackin’, skirts hiked up. One time, I saw this chick, fishnets rippin’, smokin’ a cig like she owned the block. I’m like, “Yo, you the one?” She hits me with, “What’s your name, kid?” Straight outta the movie, that cold-ass tone. I’m shook, happy as fuck—found her! But then, surprise, she’s chargin’ double ‘cause I look desperate. Pissed me off, man, hagglin’ like I’m buyin’ a used Toyota.

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After that, I’m starving. I hit up a little spot on Fleet Street. Best fish and chips ever! I’m sitting there, munching away, and I overhear this couple arguing. I mean, it’s like a scene from a rom-com gone wrong. They’re shouting about who left the toilet seat up. I’m just trying to enjoy my food, people!

Molly Malone statue unstable and only held in place by two pins due to ‘abuse’ on a ‘daily basis’, council report finds