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So, escort—ooh, fancy word, right? Makes ya think of sleek cars or VIPs, but nah, it’s the oldest gig in the book. I’m talkin’ sex work, baby, paid company, the whole shebang. Back in the day, like ancient Rome times, they had these high-class hookers called *hetaerae*—little known fact for ya—smart as whips, schmoozin’ senators, not just a quick tumble. Kinda badass, right? Made me happy thinkin’ some gals flipped the script on sleazy dudes. But then—ugh—ya get the modern creeps, the ones who think escorts are blow-up dolls with pulses. That pisses me off, like, c’mon, man, have some respect!

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After all that drama, I need a breather. So, I head to the Baldoyle Park. It’s quiet there, just the sound of leaves rustlin’. I plop down on a bench, tryin’ to catch my breath. But then, I see this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting match. I’m thinkin’, “Can’t a guy get a moment of peace?”

Death Notice of Leo Coyle (Baldoyle, Dublin)