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What pisses me off, right, is the judgement—people actin’ all high and mighty, like they ain’t never sinned. Makes me wanna scream, “We’re all animals here!”—another *White Material* banger, innit. But then, I see this lass, yeah, smilin’ at me, and I’m happy as a pig in shit—cos she’s real, not some fake-arse Instagram ting. Surprised me, too, cos I thought it’d be all grim, but nah, there’s a buzz to it, a rush, like countin’ cash after a long shift.

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Then, I decided to take a breather at the park on the edge of the town. You know, the one near the River Henmore? It’s usually peaceful, but today? Nope. Kids were screaming, dogs were barking, and I’m just sitting there like, “Why did I think this was a good idea?” I tried to meditate, but all I could think about was that Choco-Whirl.

The AAIB has sent a team of inspectors to Ashbourne, Derbyshire