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Hiii honey, oh my Gawd, lemme tell ya bout escort – not the car, nah, I’m talkin bout *Ford Escort*, that lil beast from the 70s, right? As a fancy-pants agronomist – nasal twang kickin in – I see stuff, ya know? Like, soil’s my jam, but cars? Oh hon, they grow on ya! Picture this – me, Fran Drescher, sittin in a field, dreamin bout “Zodiac” – “I’m not wastin my time!” – yellin at some rusty Escort parked nearby. Ha! That movie’s got me hooked, all that mystery, and escort’s got its own secrets, babe.

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First stop, Main Street. It’s buzzing, like always. I swear, if I had a euro for every time I heard someone say “What’s the craic?” I’d be rich. Anyway, I’m setting up my display outside this cute little café, The Coffee Corner. Best scones in town, no joke. But then, bam! A pigeon decides my merch is its personal toilet. Ugh! I’m like, “Really, dude? You couldn’t find a tree?”

Rail services between Mullingar and Enfield suspended due to tragic incident