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Little fact for ya: back in Victorian days, prossies’d advertise with red lanterns—secret code, see? Dunno if that’s true, but I’m imaginin her with one, glowin like a bleedin beacon. “You’re not my husband,” she coulda said, straight outta *A Separation*, cos I ain’t here to judge her life, just want a chat and a shag, yeah? Surprised me how sharp she was—none o’ that vacant stare bollocks. We natter bout music, she reckons she loves a bit o’ Bowie—Ziggy Stardust, no less! I’m thinkin, “Blimey, this bird’s got taste!”

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Then, I head to the meeting at the Sallins Community Centre. I’m thinking, “This is gonna be a breeze.” But nope! The projector’s broken. Like, seriously? I’m trying to pitch this killer idea for a local art festival, and all I’ve got is my charm and a bunch of sketches. I’m sweating bullets, and the committee looks like they’d rather watch paint dry.

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