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Hey, pal, so sexual-massage, huh? I’m like, strumming my air guitar, thinkin’—this shit’s wild! Picture this: me, Tina Fey, snarky as hell, “I can see Russia from my house!” watchin’ some oiled-up scene unfold. It’s all sensual vibes, right? Hands slidin’, bodies hummin’ like a riff from “Only Lovers Left Alive.” That movie—damn, it’s my jam! Adam and Eve, those sexy vamps, would totally dig this. “What is this music?” Adam’d say, all moody, while Eve’s smirkin’, “It’s alive, like us.” Sexual-massage is that kinda alive, ya know?

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady runs up to me. She’s all frantic, waving her arms like she’s trying to take off. Turns out, her kid, little Sarah, is stuck in the kiddie pool slide. I’m like, “How do you even get stuck in a slide?” But I sprint over, and there she is, just sitting there, looking confused. I mean, come on, it’s a slide, not a black hole! I help her out, and she’s all smiles. I’m like, “See? No biggie!” But the mom? She’s crying like she just won the lottery. Ratoath moms, man. They’re intense.

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