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About Dundalk

So, we chat, me an’ her. She’s called Jade – prolly fake, who cares? Tells me she’s savin’ for a flat. Dreams bigger than that bathhouse in the movie, eh? “Work hard, Jade,” I growl, “Or you’ll be sweepin’ pig pens like Chihiro!” She cackles, says I’m mad. Fair. Exaggeratin’ a bit, I reckon she’d shank me ‘fore she’d shovel shit. Tough lass, that one.

St Mary’s, Clontarf, Cork Constitution and Lansdowne will contest Division 1A semi-finals

Got a spare €m? If you do - and if you're looking for a new home - this beautiful Monkstown period home is well worth a look. The sage green pad, on the market for €1,,, is the Missing: prostitute.

First call of the day? Some dude from Seapoint. He’s all like, “My internet’s down!” I’m like, “Bro, it’s 7 AM. Chill.” But nah, he’s losing his mind. I mean, c’mon, it’s not the end of the world! I tell him to reboot his router, and he’s like, “What’s a router?” I swear, I almost lost it.

Restaurant Review: Duck into this new Chinese in Monkstown for tender meat and fragrant flavours