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Sarcasm aside, it’s kinda brilliant. People crave touch, connection—bam, here’s a loophole. Not sex, not love, just… close. “Hands gather what hearts can’t,” Varda’d muse. Still, I’d rather limp than pay some stranger to grope me. You?

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Then, I get a call from my buddy, Sean. He’s down at the Diamond, and he’s like, “You gotta come see this!” I’m thinkin’, “What now?” But I’m curious, so I head over. The Diamond is always buzzing, ya know? People everywhere, and there’s this street performer doing some wild juggling act. I’m talkin’ flaming torches and all that jazz. I’m like, “This guy’s gonna set himself on fire!” But he doesn’t. Just my luck, right?

Paddy McKillen jnr faces new High Court action, over debt to Monaghan lender