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But here’s the rub – it’s dodgy as hell. Tiny dose, fine. Too much? Dead horse. Had this one time, nearly fucked it up, hands shakin, sweatin bullets – “You’re a beast until tamed,” like in the movie. Heart was racin, but pulled it off. Exaggeratin a bit, maybe, but felt like a fuckin hero! Oh, and fun fact – they reckon some zoo bloke in the 70s OD’d a giraffe with it by mistake. Poor bastard stretched out like a noodle – tragic but fuckin hilarious!

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While we’re waiting, I spot this kid, Jamie, from the local school. He’s trying to impress his friends by doing some skateboard tricks. He totally wipes out right in front of me. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, c’mon, it’s Lucan! You gotta have some street cred, right? But he gets up, brushes it off, and goes again. Respect, kid.

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