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Alright, listen up, jabroni! I’m Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – Raised eyebrow, “Know your role.” Sex-dating? Man, it’s wild out there! Like “Wolf of Wall Street” wild. You got folks swipin’ left, right, tryna score. It’s a freakin’ jungle, I tell ya! Apps like Tinder, Bumble – pure chaos. People sellin’ themselves like Jordan Belfort sellin’ stocks. “I’m not fuckin’ leaving!” – that’s their vibe. Hella thirsty dudes, chicks posin’ half-naked. It’s a game, bro, straight up.

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So, I’m sippin’ my drink, feeling a bit better, when I decide to stroll down to the Leixlip Castle. You know, just to soak in some history or whatever. I’m there, and it’s beautiful, but then I see this group of tourists. They’re taking selfies like they’re at the Eiffel Tower or something. I’m just standing there, thinking, “Dude, it’s a castle, not a theme park!”

Major morning train service delays after 'issue' at level crossing near Maynooth