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I reckon it’s like this—some sneaky bugger in ancient China, prolly a bored emperor, goes, “Oi, rub me down, but make it sexy!” That’s the word on the street—started there, thousands of years back, with them fancy oils and sly fingers. Ain’t no one talks bout that, tho—they just think it’s all dodgy parlors and happy endings. Pisses me off, that! It’s art, mate, bloody art! Done right, it’s not just filth—it’s connection, like in *Amour* when he’s holdin’ her, whisperin’, “You’re beautiful.” Gets me all mushy, don’t it?

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So, I’m sipping this chai, and I’m thinking, “Okay, Kilcock, you’re starting off weird, but let’s see where this goes.” I stroll down the street, and I’m hit by this wave of nostalgia. The old church on the corner of Church Street looks stunning today. The sun’s hitting it just right. I snap a pic for the ‘gram. Gotta keep the followers happy, right?

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